There aren’t too many articles on this topic so I thought I’d write about dating after having a hysterectomy.
So…my boyfriend broke up with me around 2 months ago, which put me back on the market. This was the boyfriend who took care of me during my operation as mentioned in my recovery posts.
I had dated him for 1-1/2 years so it’s been awhile since I’ve been on a date with anyone, but this time it’s different because the option to have kids naturally is gone because of my hysterectomy.
There was one guy I dated who was 10 years younger than I am and he called it off because he couldn’t get over my age – not that I’m ancient or anything! I had just hit 40 and, to him, I was old and he had a dream to have a family. That makes sense at his age (30) so I was like “whatever” because I know that I’m more than my baby-making abilities.
Fast forward to present day.
The day after my now-ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I was super sad for about a week. Then this guy I casually knew (and met at a conference about a year before), expressed how sorry he was that we had broken up…but also expressed how he was kind of not sorry because he has been interested in me for awhile (!!!).
He’s cool and, at the time of posting this, we’re still talking and chatting on Skype every night. We really get along and I like him…BUT…I was really worried about how I would break the news to him about my operation and how I can’t have kids (not including surrogacy or adoption, that is). He doesn’t know how old I am (early 40s) and he’s also a few years younger than I am (late 30s).
I figured that if he had the same reaction as that other guy, then he’s soooo not worth it, so I tried hard not to fall too hard, too fast for this guy. I also wondered how/when I’d tell him about my operation.
After a lot of thinking, I concluded that the best time to tell him would be after things got serious. I mean, we’ve only been talking for 2 months and there’s no “future talk” or anything. I figured that if the conversation came up to talk about it, I’d bring it up, but at the same time, I didn’t want to wait too long in case he freaked out and I was already invested.
In one of our conversations, he mentioned how he had a lump removed, and so I mentioned my fibroids which didn’t phase him. Things seemed to be okay.
Then one night, he was joking about women in his past that have been “moody” around the time of their “monthly cycle”. I figured it was a good time to bring up the topic so I mentioned that, because of my fibroids, I no longer have that cycle and continued to elaborate. I mentioned how large my fibroids were, what life was like before and how it could’ve been if I hadn’t had the operation and he seemed really happy that I was healthy and didn’t have to go through all of that pain and inconvenience anymore.
I don’t think he seemed too bothered by it, but still, I’m a little worried that the option to have a family the way most other people would, might still be in the back of his mind.
Time will tell. He seems like a decent guy and I like him a lot so I hope it’s really nothing like he says it is.